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Category Archives for "Uncategorized"

Sad Man

Avoiding Old Friends

How much does it suck when you see an old friend or colleague and you’ve put on a few pounds and they haven’t?

The worst part is the first look they give you that says "you’ve put on a few pounds" but they never actually say it.

Even though you are excited to see them, the fact that you’ve put on 10, 20, or 30
pounds is just hanging above your head the entire time you are catching up.

You wish they’d just say "dude, you’ve gained weight" because it’s literally the 30 pound elephant in the room. You definitely don’t want to say it. But what if they actually said it? Ok, no matter who says it, it would suck to hear.

Phew! It’s time to say goodbye and you’re absolutely exhausted from the suspense of whether they’d say what you were thinking.

The next time you are planning to hang out with an old friend, you have to think twice:

If you are going to the beach or a pool…. you think, "Fuck, I don’t want to take my shirt off!"

If you are hiking or working out….. you think, "What if I can’t keep up?"

If you are going to a new restaurant….. you think, "Am I going to be the fat guy at the table ordering a burger and everyone will be looking at me?"

…. And soon after, you start making excuses like "I’m busy" or "I have a ton of work to do" or "I’m not feeling well," to avoid seeing your friends. 

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man looking into a fridge

By the time I get home, I'm starving…

You wake up early. 

You get to the gym before the sun comes up. 
You get to the office before anyone else. 

And from the minute you get in to the minute you leave, it’s all business. 

You answer emails, run from meeting to meeting, answer repetitive questions, follow up with prospects, put out fires, come up with proposals, make diagnoses, and close new business. 

You don’t have time to sit down and eat like a person! It’s go, go, go all day, everyday. You just eat what you can, when you can, so you don’t pass out and can get back to work. 

Luxuries like breathing, sitting down for a meal, thinking, and the bathroom are reserved for when you get home. 

The second you walk out the door of the office, you start to breathe easy. And like a wave crashing down, you start to feel all the hunger of the day. 

Your stomach is growling. Your brain is on empty. Your blood sugar is dropping. You are cranky and angry. 

When you finally get home, you can’t even think about cooking because you are SOO hungry. 

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waffle ice cream

How Can You Eat That?!

Have you ever been in a restaurant with a group of friends and you order a crazy desert that you really want to try - like a Churro Waffle Ice Cream Sandwich?

It hits the table, and it’s gorgeous. 

waffle ice cream sandwich

You take one bite, and it tastes AMAZING. The waffle is hot. The ice cream is cold, soft, and velvety.

It’s too good not to share.

You ask: “Anyone want a bite?”  

Unanimously, everyone say “No,” but the look on their faces is half disgusted and really saying, “How can you eat that?”

But here’s the nail in the coffin, and there is always someone at the table that will say this, “No! I’m good. You enjoy it. It looks delicious, though!”

It immediately makes you feel so angry and so guilty at the same time that even though you can taste the sweetness of the ice cream sandwich, you are just begrudgingly chewing to not let your friends know that their comments and stupid facial expressions bothered you.

You think to yourself, “Seriously? Why don’t you just punch me in the face next time, Jerry? I don’t need your passive aggressive comments.”

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Avocado

Pablo, Keto, and Avocados

Graphic showing benefits of avocados

How many times have you been scrolling through Instagram or Facebook and seen something like this?

"Avocados can solve everything from blood sugar to ED."

Translation: Eat more avocados, right?

I had a client do just that. His name is Pablo.

Pablo was not a traditional client. He is a 17-year vet of the fitness industry. He exercises 15+ hours per week. He is a Jiu Jitsu brown belt (and very close to his black belt). He does CrossFit. He lifts weights. He does Yoga.

By every stretch of the imagination, this guy should be able to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and be a shredded machine.

But that wasn’t close to the truth. 

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Boring Meal Prep Containers

Meal Preppin’ and Gaining Weight

Have you done a perfect meal prep? I mean the type of meal prep that looks like this:

Meal Prep Containers filled with beautiful food

Then Wednesday comes….

You walk over to the fridge and pull out your Tupperware with a perfectly-portioned, weighed, and measured meal.

You pop the lid and….

"Ugh!!"

The same meal. At the same time. This time a little older, stinkier, and soggier.

The zucchini is brown.
The asparagus is limp.
The rice is hard.
The chicken is rubber.
The salad is mushy.

Not exactly appetizing.
"Screw this! I’m going to Chipotle for lunch. This whole meal prep thing is stupid."

3 days later, your remaining meal prep is in the garbage and you have now paid $20 in just guacamole fees.

Wait, wasn’t the meal prep thing supposed to make eating better, not worse? The article you read said it would "help with portion control, add variety, and save money."

Hah! What a joke! It helped with none of them. But, wait, here’s the funniest part of this all: 

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The table with ID 11 not exists.
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